


Like Ghosts In The Snow

by Keep_this_a_secret



Series: Like Ghosts In The Snow [1]
Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Twenty One Pilots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-03-02 07:21:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13313214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keep_this_a_secret/pseuds/Keep_this_a_secret
Summary: The desert was so hot, his throat was dry, and he felt too tired to continue. He dropped on the ground dust from the sand creeping into his already dry throat as he started to cry. His mother had told him to run when the white cars surrounded the place they hid. The white cars were bad. She never told him why but she always wanted to run when they came, so Tyler knew. He heard an engine in the distance and he started trying to get up again he had to run. The car stopped and he heard boots on the dry ground and worried voices.“-downpour he’s just a baby!” One yelled hurriedly moving closer. The other was more hesitant.“King! King! Brendon get the hell back here! What if it’s a trap you’ll get us killed!”Tyler let out a louder sob and instantly the other boy was following towards him. The two men wore color, just like his parents. He could trust color.





	1. Chapter 1

The desert was so hot, his throat was dry, and he felt too tired to continue. He dropped on the ground dust from the sand creeping into his already dry throat as he started to cry. His mother had told him to run when the white cars surrounded the place they hid. The white cars were bad. She never told him why but she always wanted to run when they came, so Tyler knew. He heard an engine in the distance and he started trying to get up again he had to run. The car stopped and he heard boots on the dry ground and worried voices.

“-downpour he’s just a baby!” One yelled hurriedly moving closer. The other was more hesitant.

“King! King! Brendon get the hell back here! What if it’s a trap you’ll get us killed!”

Tyler let out a louder sob and instantly the other boy was following towards him. The two men wore color, just like his parents. He could trust color.

One of the men scooped him up. “Hey” he smiled and Tyler tightly clung to him “how old are you kid?” 

Tyler thought, his mother knew that but he couldn’t remember.

“King, he can’t be older than like five what’s he doing all alone.” 

The man being called King seemed to ignore the question. “I’m Killer King” the car door opened King getting on the passenger's side and the other man driving “I know it’s sounds scary but I’m not I promise. That’s Northern Downpour, we’re gonna help you okay? We have some friends back at a base we’ll get you all fixed up there”

Tyler nodded curling up into Killer King. He wanted to go but how would his parents find him? Would they know where the base was? Did they know these people? His Dad said not to talk to strangers.

“Do you have a name?” This time it was Northern Downpours voice. He seemed unsure, and scared.

“T-Tyler” he whined softly “my momma says names like yours are for grownups. I don’t need one yet.”

“Yeah” Killer King rocked him “your mom’s right” Killer King kept talking after that but Tyler had already fallen asleep.

****  
Tyler shot up in his bed. He had that dream often, of the day Northern Downpour and Killer King found him. That was nearly ten years ago now and he had been living with them and the other Killjoys since. The base they were talking about was more like a headquarters, over a hundred Killjoys had turned a destroyed storage unit into a sort of apartment complex to house the Killjoys that chose to stay there.

Tyler quickly put on his outfit pulling on his white ski mask. His Killjoy name, Mad Gear, has been given to him years ago. But today after years more of training Killer King was taking him out on patrol. He ran out of his room and down the hall to the one King and Northern had together pounding on the door.

“Get up! You promised today!” He took off down the hall to find someone else to share his excitement with.

Killer King groaned rolling himself onto Northern Downpour who calmly pushed him back off. “You’re the one that wanted him King” he laughed getting up.

“Too much energy. Too early.” He mumbled back burying his face into his pillow.

Northern just laughed getting dressed himself and throwing King’s clothes onto the bed “Get up and get dressed before he runs out on his own.”

Mad Gear was already down in the main area by the time King was getting dressed. Of course since the sun hadn’t even come up yet the only other one awake was Soul Punk, who had drug Young Gun down to the main room with him.

“Hey!” Mad Gear smiled wide “Soul Punk! Kings taking me with him today!”

Worry flashed through Soul Punk’s face and he turned to Young Gun before looking back at Mad Gear. “Yeah? You remember what we taught you right? You have your blaster? I can get extra first-aid-“

“Hey, Punk” Young Gun laughed “turn down the Mom-mode okay? Let the kid live”

Mad Gear smiled. “Yeah! I’ve been training for this I’ll be fine!”

****

Killer King started up the car as Mad Gear bounced up and down in the seat. King couldn’t help but laugh, the kid had been wanting to go out with a Killjoy since he was like ten. He had left the base before, for small things like when Punk took him outside to kick around a ball or the quick drive out to the Phoenix Witches mailbox. 

“You remember the plan?” King asked pulling away from the headquarters.

Mad Gear watched it fade in the rear-view mirror. “Yeah, just a supply run out to Dr.Death-Defying.” 

King nodded “nothing too crazy”

“I could handle it if something did-“

King laughed “Punk would ghost me for sure if you come back with even a scratch. It’s just a supply run.”

“But I could handle more. If need be, just saying.”

The drive out into the Zones passed quickly until Northern Downpours voice came over the personal radio in Kings car, he kept it on the same frequency as the one back home. So that they could keep him updated on anything that might have gone wrong or anywhere he may need to be.

“Change routes —— Death Defying ——- route compromised—“ Mad Gear could hear the fear creeping into northerns voice. After all he did know it was just him and King out here, if something happened this far out it couldn’t end well.

Unfortunately the warning came too late as King slammed on the breaks to narrowly avoid slamming into a line-up of pristine white cars. Mad Gear was frozen in fear he gripped the sides of the seat as he heard his heart pounding in his ears.

“Hey! Hey!” Killer King snapped in his face jumping into the back. “Get in the driver's side and go!”

Mad Gear obeyed and quickly Killer King was in the passenger's side leaning himself out the window. The moment Mad Gear turned and took off the cars followed King kept himself steady aiming for the front tires of the cars following them.

“Calm down alright?” King said calmly not taking his eyes off the cars following them. “You’re doing just fine” Mad Gear kept his eyes on the desert in front of him. “One more-“ there was the shot of a blaster and the back tire blew out causing Mad Gear to realize it hadn’t been Killer Kings blaster as the car swerved out of control Mad Gear frantically reached for King who was still mostly out the window before everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

Mad Gear opened his eyes tiredly. He was back at the base? How? For a minute he thought it was a dream until he saw Northern Downpour curled up in the hallway through the crack in his door. His eyes were swollen and red and he was mumbling something to someone just out of Mad Gears view. He slowly pushed himself off the bed and stumbled to the doorframe. The Killjoy talking to Northern had neon red hair and wore a blue jacket. Mad Gear recognized him as Party Poison he and his crew were often in and out of the base but never stayed long. Northern shakily stood too but didn’t say anything. If Northern was crying no good news was about to come.

“Do you feel okay to be up?” Party Poison was trying to smile but it was bulshit, he could see the was just as sad as Northern. What had happened? 

He tried again “Young Gun called my crew out to get you and Killer King when you two didn’t radio back, a DRAC blew out the tire of your car-“

Brendon. 

Mad Gears head started to spin and he took off down the hall. The infirmary, if they had crashed, if King was hurt that’s where he’d be. He could hear Party and Northern yelling for him and running after but he didn’t stop. He had to know. The moment Mad Gear ran into the room he wished he hadn’t. 

Young Gun was standing next to a taller blonde boy, who Mad Gear remembered to be Kobra Kid, while rubbing Soul Punks back. Soul Punk himself was staring blankly into the sink water running over his blood stained hands. His eyes looked terrified and empty.

“Where is he” Mad Gears voice cracked. Kobra Kid turned to look at him.

“My brother was supposed to make sure you didn’t-“ Kobra turned to face Mad Gear.

All of a sudden Soul Punk dropped to the ground letting out a sob, Young Gun was on the ground by his side in an instant holding him tightly. Killjoys were wounded all the time, Soul Punk had seen many of them pass and sometimes he was able to help them recover. But it was different when the wounded was one of your best friends, an over excited boy you’d known since he was only sixteen. Especially when after three hours the odds still weren’t looking good and you were covered in his blood.

Mad Gears eyes drifted across the room to where Killer King lay his breathing roughly coming out in shallow desperate breaths. The side of his face torn up by the rough sand of the desert his chest covered in bandages that kept hidden where the broken metal had torn his chest as he was thrown from the car. Mad Gear felt someone slam into his shoulder as Northern ran past him throwing himself over Killer King shaking and sobbing. Mad Gear slowly sunk down to the ground looking desperately at Young Gun who only turned away.

“W-we don’t have the proper supplies to help him” Soul Punk's voice was soft and strained. 

Mad Gear stared at the ground “How do I get them.” When he spoke it was firm, more confident than he expected.

“They’re inside the city, I don’t know anyone that’s done a supply run like that-“

“I’ll go.” Mad Gear interrupted Soul Punk letting his eyes drift back to Killer King “write down what we need I’ll get it.”

“You will not.” Northern Downpour turned to look at Mad Gear “no way in hell I'm letting you run off-“

“I wasn’t asking.” Mad Gear stood up.

“I don’t care.” Northern had only taken this tone with him once before. He had been eleven and he hid in the back of the car to go into the desert, they turned around immediately and he was in big trouble.

“He won’t go alone.” Party Poison stood in the doorway “we’ve been in there before we’ll go in with him”

Northern Downpour turned back to King silently.


	3. Chapter 3

“You’re really just going to go into the city? They’re already on high alert” Young Gun followed Kobra Kid down the hall. Kobra shrugged not giving any real answer “it’s dangerous-“ 

“I won’t let my brother go alone” Kobra paused “Plus they need me to be able to hack in without setting off alarms. The others don’t know how”

Young Gun sighed. For the past few years when Party’s group had come to the base Kobra would often slip off with Young Gun. Spending the nights they stayed there in Young Guns room rather than his own. They never talked about it after, the others pretended not to notice, Kobra Kid pretended his heart didn’t break a little every time he left, and Young Gun pretended he didn’t get butterflies every time he saw Kobra.

“Yeah but still-“ Young Gun tried to come up with a reason other than ‘I’m scared you’ll get hurt and Kings dying in the other room and I love you’ but nothing came to mind so he just kept his mouth shut as Kobra turned to face him.

“I’ll be fine,” Kobra smiled a little. “no reason to worry.”

Young Gun sighed, Kobra was stubborn and if his brother was going so was he.

Mad Gear was in the other room going over the list with Soul Punk. “Please just… if you can’t get it all it’s okay, your safety is more important-“

“How long do we have” Mad Gear glanced towards the infirmary door. It had only been a few hours but Kings condition wasn’t exactly stable.

“Hard to say” Soul Punk looked down “a few hours and the least, maybe two days tops”

Mad Gear nodded “we’ll be back by nightfall”

“Yo! Trainee” Fun Ghoul stood in the hallway entrance “If you wanna be back that fast let’s get a move on”

Mad Gear nodded and turned to walk down the hall after Fun Ghoul. He paused for a moment, letting Ghoul get ahead of him before turning and running back to the infirmary practically slamming into Northern catching him in a hug. 

“He saved my life I’m gonna save his too” and with that he ran off after Ghoul.

****

The BLI warehouse hadn't been hard to get to. Kobra Kid was easily able to block the camera signal and after that they had slipped in through the sewer systems. Kobra now had his back to the rest of them messing intently with the keypad to the massive storage container to get it to open. 

“Once it’s opened we’ve got ten minutes till the alarm triggers when it realizes it’s been hacked and from there about three minutes till we’re surrounded”

Party Poison turned to look at Mad Gear “so you’ve got six minutes to get what you need. We’ll be on guard out here. Ghoul’s gonna help you find shit”

Ghoul whined something back as a response but Mad Gear could barely hear anything over the frantic pounding of his heart. He had said he was prepared for more but this, this was more than anything he could have imagined. Party Poisons group was fairly well known for raids like this so he tried to seem like he was confident but by the way Jet Star looked at him, as if he were some weak abandoned puppy, reminded him he wasn’t.

“Go!” Kobra yelled and Ghoul grabbed Mad Gears arm as the storage unit opened pulling him in. Once Mad Gear located the medical supplies he went over the list in his head. 

-Needles  
-Morphine  
-Iv bags  
-scalpels   
-scissors 

The list went on and what Mad Gear could find he grabbed shoving into a bag. From the corner of his eye he could see Fun Ghoul shoving whatever looked helpful into a separate bag. His heart was still pounding when he heard Jet Star from the doorway.

“Kobra was wrong the alarm went off anyway” the sound of blasters went off from outside “let’s go.”

Ghoul closed the bag he held running out “get your blaster out kid let’s roll!”

Mad Gear fumbled for a moment pulling the blaster out of his pocket and taking off after the others. They were quickly being gained on, the four in front of him quickly and easily disappearing into the grate they had come from. He saw Jet Star turn around to make sure he got in. Mad Gear however realized he was too slow. BLI would be too close for them to get away clean if they waited.

“Go!” Mad Gear threw the bag he held a wave of relief rushing him when Jet Star caught it. “Get it back to them! Go!”

Jet Star let out an audible yell as Party Poison pulled him back down and using pulled the grate tightly shut.

“What the fuck! We have to get him!” 

“I’m not risking my crew for a kid.” Party looked away for a moment. “Someone’s gotta get the shit back anyway. We don’t have time.”

Kobra Kid looked at his brother “Punk's gonna fucking ghost us all.”

Jet Star looked back at the grate that was pulled tightly shut. They all sat in silence for a few moments waiting for anything to prove that Mad Gear had made it before walking down the empty sewer.


	4. Chapter 4

Northern Downpour had spent the last few hours pacing back and forth between the infirmary and the doors to the base. Every minute Mad Gear was gone was another minute he was sure he was dead. He was in the infirmary when he heard Young Gun call his name. 

Ryan.

He didn’t call Northern Downpour. That should have been the first sign something was terribly wrong. He took off as fast as he could down the hall to the doors. Tears already stung at his eyes when he ran into the room and when he saw Jet Star holding out Mad Gears bag looking emptily at the ground, his heart dropped to his feet and he dropped to the ground.

No one made a move as he doubled over screaming and sobbing. No one knew what to say. In one room his boyfriend lay dying and somewhere in the city the boy who he had raised since he was a child was dead.

The boy he read stories to at night when he was little.

The boy who used to curl between himself and King when he would have nightmares.

The boy who had grown up and given his life for them.

Northern Downpour sat alone in Mad Gears room for what felt like hours. What would he tell King? Would King even listen? He could feel his eyes were dry and swollen from crying until he physically couldn’t anymore. His chest was heavy and his head was pounding. He closed his eyes trying to will the little boy back into existence.

_Mad Gear held Northern Downpours hand and jumped over the cracks of the floor humming to himself._

_“Northern?” He focused more on the floor continuing to quietly hop “are my Mom and Dad coming back?”_

_Northern stopped “um” he tried to think of a way to tell him no without breaking his little heart “well… sometimes, when Killjoys are done with their jobs they go meet the Phoenix Witch.”_

_“Is she bad?”_

_“No” Northern smiled down at him “she helps Killjoys go to the next world”_

_“Why didn’t they take me with them?”_

_Northern scooped the little boy up “because we still needed you here!” He smiled and hugged him tightly Mad Gear wrapped his little arms around Northern smiling._

“Hey..” Young Guns voice tore him from his own thoughts. Young Gun stood in the doorway for a while before walking to sit next to Northern Downpour. “I never knew ‘trick was capable of what’s practically considered surgery” he laughed a little trying to at least lighten the mood a little.

Northern only pulled his knees to his chest staring blankly at the wall.

“Killer King’s gonna be alright. He might take awhile but Mad Gear got everything we needed, he’ll be okay” 

Northern buried his head in his knees and started softly crying all over again.

****

_“I don’t wanna write anymore this is stupid!” Mad Gear crossed his little arms and turned in the chair._

_“Listen Ty. You only have a little more to go-“ King started._

_“No!” The little boy shoved the papers in front of him off the table. Killer King took a breath. This is why he didn’t want kids, the fucking tantrums. The kid was like six already couldn’t he just get through this tantrum phase? With what little patience he had left he picked up the papers and put them maybe a little too aggressively down on the table._

_“Wanna know a secret?” He tried to keep his voice soft._

_The boy looked up at him._

_“It’s a good one, I’ll spell it for you you write it”_

_Mad Gear picked up the pencil and waited._

_“B-R-E-N-D-O-N” Killer King spelled out slowly and watched as Mad Gear wrote it in his crooked little handwriting down on the paper._

_“What’s a B-bren… Bran-?” Mad Gear started trying to sound out the word on the paper looking up to see King trying not to laugh “what!” He yelled he tried to stay mad but King laughing made him laugh too._

_“Brendon” King smiled it’d been a long time since he’d used his own name “I’m a Brendon”_

_Mad Gear looked amazed then smiled “you have a name like me!”_

_King nodded “but you can’t tell anyone okay? It’s our secret”_

_It was barely ten minutes before Mad Gear told Northern Downpour._

Mad Gear opened his eyes to a blindingly white room. He tried to pull away only to find his legs cuffed to the legs of the chair he was sitting in and his hands cuffed to the table in front of him. He looked around panicked trying to figure out where he was while aggressively trying to pull his arms free. Through a small crack in the door he could see two men. He stopped struggling and listened closely.

“Dun just go in there. He’s a fucking kid I doubt even you could mess this up.”


	5. Chapter 5

It had been almost a week since Mad Gear vanished and while Northern kept hoping he would walk through the front door excited as always, he knew it wasn’t possible. Northern Downpour sat quietly in the room he and King had shared. King himself hadn’t woken up yet and Downpour hadn’t been in the infirmary to check on him. Soul Punk occasionally popped into the room however to say that King was healing well, just not awake yet.

How was he going to tell King what had happened. That he had let Mad Gear run all the way into the city. He let the kid who barely made it out of his first supply run leave to raid the city.

Kids never lived long in the desert but Mad Gear had seemed different. He had learned quickly adapted fast, of course they had tried their hardest to keep him a child as long as they could but out here that just wasn’t possible. Northern would teach him how to read and only minutes after Young Gun would have him outside teaching him to shoot.

“Um… you’ve been in here awhile” Soul Punk pushed open the door quietly. “Wanna come out?”

“What are we gonna tell him.” 

Soul Punk leaned against the door frame. He had been thinking the same thing. Killer King was going to want to run into the city and tear apart every inch looking for Mad Gear.

****  
Josh had been interviewing the Killjoy known as ‘Mad Gear’ to get information but he was having no luck. The Killjoy either kept quiet or responded with some vague answer that revealed nothing.

Josh sighed and sat down at the interview table for what he knew would be the last time. “Tyler Joseph-“

“Mad Gear” he corrected firmly, just as he had every other time. However Josh was told to refuse that name, so he did.

“You have been uncooperative with Better Living Industries multiple attempts to secure information to improve the lives of those in our city”

Mad Gear scoffed “you sound like a robot, just ghost me and get it over with.”

Josh ignored the Killjoy continuing with what was written in the files he had been given today “as such we have created a backup plan of sorts. You will be reprogrammed to understand why we need to live the way we do” Josh glanced up at the boy who was now frozen in fear “you will become a productive member-“

Josh looked up as Mad Gear had began to struggle. He desperately tried to free his hands from the restraints only to have the sharp metal cut them up. “I will never!” He shouted continuing to pull “fuck you! Fuck BLI!”

Josh sighed and opened a small black box pulling out a needle and quickly injecting it into the side of Mad Gears neck. He continued to pull and struggle for a few more minutes until he finally slumped over limp. Josh watched the boy for a few minutes before calling someone else to move him.

***  
The next time Tyler opened his eyes he felt like his brain was on fire. He tried to remember where he had been before but nothing came to mind. He sat up in a bed he didn’t remember and looked around an unfamiliar blindingly white room. Something inside felt hollow, like part of him had been torn out and buried.

The door to the room opened and a man walked in looking at him. “Hello Tyler” 

“Um… hi” Tyler looked around “where am I, who are you”

“I’m Joshua” the man held out his hand and Tyler shook it “you're in a BLI recovery unit, you were severely attacked by the killjoys but you’re going to make a full recovery.”

“Oh” Tyler smiled. “I don’t really remember anything but thank you”

Josh was trying his hardest not to smile. It had worked, the rehabilitation had been successful. He had officially turned the first Killjoy to their side. As one final test josh held out his hand with two white pills. “We’ll need you to start taking these again.”

Tyler nodded taking the pills and swallowing them.

“You rest in here awhile longer I’ll be back.”

Tyler nodded and laid back down closing his eyes.

Tyler’s dreams were strange. He dreamt he was a little boy sitting on an old stairwell watching a man press mattresses up against the wall. He felt excited to see what the man was doing.

_“What on earth is happening down here” a blonde man walked into the stairwell leaning against the wall and trying his hardest not to laugh._

_“I’m teaching him how to be a kid Punk!”_

_“Yeah!” Tyler piped up from the corner “Young Guns gonna teach me how to be a kid!”_

_The man Tyler had just called Young Gun then scooped him up and put him in an old, slightly broken hamper carrying him to the top of the stairs._

_“Oh no no no” Punk started “don’t you dare.”_

_Young Gun picked Tyler back up and sat in the hamper placing Tyler down on his lap. With a loud shout of “KILLJOYS NEVER DIE” he launched the hamper down the staircase. The two hit the bottom with a thud landing on the soft mattresses._

_Tyler laughed and crawled out smiling up at Soul Punk. “You do it too!”_

_“Yeah!” Young Gun laughed sprawled out on the mattress on the floor “ ‘trick! ‘Trick! ‘Trick!”_

_Tyler smiled jumping in circles around Young Gun joining in on the chanting._

_“Okay okay” Soul Punk smiled “one time and then you two clean up.”_

****

Josh watched as Tyler somehow managed to miss every target in front of him. “Have you forgotten how to shoot too.” His patience was wearing thin. The former Killjoy had seemed to have forgotten the most basic things that even Killjoys should know. Since it was Josh who had started this experiment he had to be the one to finish it.

“Look.” He snapped “like this.” He places his hands around Tyler adjusting them over Tyler’s on the gun. “You have to keep the target in the center.” His chest was pressed against the boys back and Josh lowered his head onto Tylers shoulder in order to see from his view. “Now shoot.”

Tyler pulled the trigger and for the first time that day he hit the target in the dead center. “It hit!” He quickly spun around not having realized how close he was to Josh. 

Josh saw light flash back into the boys eyes instead of the hollow silence that should be there. “Stop that.” His voice was stern and he felt Tyler shrink back a little.

“Why? I hit it right in the center that’s exciting!” The boy smiled again and for only a split second when Josh saw Tyler smile he felt the excitement too. But it was gone just as fast as it came, replaced by the cool, emotionless, feelings the pills insured in everyone. 

“You did something even a child could do. That’s not exciting it’s expected.” Josh watched Tyler’s face fall, if he was having such an unexpected range of emotions there was no doubt the medicine dosage needed to be raised. Tyler looked down at the floor. “Do it again. On your own this time.”

Tyler lined up the shot again, but his hands were shaking too badly to steady it. Something about this was wrong. Something about Josh and these pristine white walls.

“Shoot.” He heard Josh command from behind him.

Something about being taught to shoot, to kill.

“Now.”

Something about being called Tyler, about taking pills and being told who he was; it just didn't sit right with him.

“Tyler!” Josh’s loud voice scared him and he pulled the trigger luckily hitting the target properly. This time he didn't smile, he didn’t turn to Josh. He lowered the gun and stared at the burning hole in the wooden target. He felt sick to his stomach tears stung at his eyes regardless of how hard he tried to hold them back.

“This is wrong” he whispered. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince himself or Josh.

“This is training.” Josh’s voice was stern sending chills down Tyler’s spine. He turned to face Josh again. Tyler had started crying but Josh only stared back with those dark cold unfeeling eyes. “Your medication needs to be upped, I’ll call it in.”

****

Josh stood in the doorway of the room Tyler was asleep in. It had been a few weeks since Tyler started training and with upped medication doses he had become far more compliant, however the higher-ups still required Josh keep an eye on him at all times. 

Tyler still felt emotion at times. Josh saw it in his eyes on occasion, or caught him smiling. Josh tried to remember the last time he felt anything besides the emptiness the pills insured in him but he couldn’t. He had been young when he had started taking the pills, it had been a last attempt at protecting his Mother. 

_“mama” Josh adjusted his backpack on his shoulders standing in the doorway to his mother's room. “You can’t have those here.” He looked cautiously at the paints his mother was using to paint on a small canvas._

_“Don’t worry Josh, they’re perfectly safe” she smiled warmly and turned her head to look at him._

_“Joshua.” He corrected her “it sounds proper that way”_

_His mother only laughed “six years old and worried about being proper.” A small frown crept onto her face “what are they doing to you Joshie”_

_“Joshua” he corrected her again, leaning forward as he spoke to put more emphasis into it._

_She beckoned him over picking him up, pulling off his backpack, and setting him in her lap. “Color and nicknames and emotions aren’t something to fear. They’re beautiful Joshua, they’re a part of you and it’s okay to let them be-“_

_Josh squirmed away from his mother “don’t say that. If something’s a rule it’s a rule”_

_“Sometimes it’s okay to break the rules, it can be for the better”_

_Josh shook his head. “Don’t say that. Killjoys say that. Traitors say that!”_

“Are you always here?” 

Josh snapped out of his thoughts to turn and look at Tyler “I have to keep an eye on you.”

Tyler nodded a little watching Josh from his bed. “Do you want to come sit with me?-“

“No.”

Tyler was quiet again for awhile. “What were you thinking about?”

“My mother” Josh knew he didn’t have to answer but conversation with Tyler couldn’t hurt. “What were you-“

“I don’t belong here.” Tyler interrupted. “You keep saying I’m from here but I’m not.” Josh readied his hand on his blaster as Tyler reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of pills setting them on the bedside table “I remember hearing somewhere they’re bad, so I spit them out when you turn away.”

“Why you little.” Josh growled “I put my career on the line for you and you fucking-“

“Why do you take them” Tyler looked at Josh.

“Because it’s the law. Start obeying it.” Josh turned back away from Tyler leaning against the wall.


	6. Chapter 6

From the moment Killer King awoke everything was a blur. There was a dull pain in his chest still and Northern was holding his hand while Soul Punk continued to look him over. He mumbled what should have been words but only tired whimpering came out.

“I know” he felt Northern run his hand through his hair. “I know it hurts but you’re gonna be alright.”

So many things were going through Kings head all at once like a tornado of things he was remembering and details he couldn’t pin down. He remembered giving the wheel to Mad Gear, leaning out the window to shoot and then nothing. He let his eyes drift around the room one more time before it fully hit him what he was forgetting. Mad Gear wasn’t there. He tried to sit up but Northern gently pressed him back down.

“Stay laying down for now alright? You’ve got stitches-“

“Where’s Mad Gear” Kings voice came out tired but clearer than he had expected. He felt Northerns hand loosen a little around his and that was all the answer he needed. Mad Gear was dead.

He laid his head back staring at the ceiling. He should have prepared Mad Gear more, checked the route twice, aimed better. He didn’t realize he was crying til Northern Downpour reached over and wiped a tear from his cheek. 

“We’ll kick their asses for him”

****  
Tyler waited outside the entrance of the building he was staying in for Josh as he did everyday. He felt wrong standing in this city in his plain white clothes. He stared out at where he could see the sun rising over the walls of the city. He wondered what the desert looked like, if it was terrifying like BLI said it was or if there was something more. He hadn’t realized he was walking towards the sun until he felt an aggressive yank on his shoulder. He turned to face an annoyed looking Josh.

“The fuck are you doing.” Josh asked as they turned back towards the main building.

Tyler didn’t answer. Josh didn’t care, he wasn’t asking to actually know. He was reminding Tyler he wasn’t supposed to do things like daydream, or smile, or try to write songs in the notepad he was supposed to record progress in. Josh only spoke when he was reminding Tyler not to do something.

“Have you been in the desert?” Tyler asked. Josh didn’t bother answering, Tyler knew he wouldn’t but he liked to talk and pretend Josh was listing. No one in this city listened to him, he didn’t belong here and he had never felt more alone. “I was thinking about it again today, I’m certain there’s something out there.” 

Josh sighed, that meant he was getting annoyed again. Tyler knew he should stop but at least if Josh was annoyed he would yell, and that would be better than the silence this city tortured him with.

“I want to go out there. I want to see a Killjoy-“

“Tyler.” Josh said sternly “shut the fuck up.”

Tyler looked at the plain concrete of the sidewalk keeping quiet as he had been told. All he would get out of Josh today was corrections during training.

Josh felt bad about having to be so harsh with Tyler but he didn’t want the higher-ups to take him. He wasn’t exactly sure why but after finding out Tyler didn’t take his pills he had slowly taken less of his own.

It didn’t change anything, Josh didn’t know why he thought it would. He still continued his job, kept an eye on Tyler. However it did allow one thing. It allowed him to take notice of the way his heart jumped when Tyler smiled, or the way Tyler looked at him like he was the only person in the world. So in an obviously selfish attempt to keep Tyler with him Josh very aggressively kept Tyler in line. 

****

The weeks went on and Tyler still refused to swallow the pills, he still told Josh he didn’t belong, and he still looked up with the occasional smile that Josh had somehow come to long for. Josh should have told the higher ups long ago about Tyler’s disobedience but he didn’t.

BLI had found out anyway.

They always find out.

So now Josh stood on the outside of the glass wall perfectly still disconnecting any emotion he may now hold towards Tyler as he watched orderlies attach shock pads to his bare chest. The rehabilitation Tyler had been given when he first got here was enough to make him forget, but not enough to keep him compliant. Josh hoped this would help, he really did like Tyler.

Tyler was strapped down tight in the chair struggling against the restraints that bound his wrists the more he pulled the more they bruised. Tears streamed down his face and he screamed for help, he screamed for Josh.

Josh ignored him until right as they sent the first shock through him he made eye contact. His heart dropped as Tyler’s back arched and his body spasmed uncontrollably as electricity ran through his skin.

“Shock one, wait ten seconds for recovery”

Tyler whined softly his pleading eyes locking with Josh's cold ones. The second shock went through and Josh couldn’t help but flinch upon hearing Tyler’s screams again. 

This was compromising him, he couldn’t be in this room. Not now, not for this.

The third shock went through and this time when Tyler’s back arched he screamed for Josh. Josh clenched his fists so hard his knuckles turned white.

Four.  
Five.  
Six.

Tyler had stopped screaming now. His body continued to twitch even in the breaks between the shocks. Josh had seen this procedure so many times, the minimum for someone like Tyler was usually ten but he wasn’t sure the boy could make it that long.

Seven.

Tyler’s body just spasmed, his eyes were empty like he had already left his body and now there was just a corpse twitching in a chair. The heart monitor told Josh that wasn’t true though, Tyler’s heart was beating fast like it was scared and panicked. The longer he watched Tyler the louder the beeps seemed to get, until it felt like he was drowning. They took over his thoughts all his brain could focus on was the beeps desperate and frantic. Tyler wasn’t screaming for Josh anymore but he could feel it.

Eight. 

With a noise that sounded more painful than anything Josh had ever felt, Tyler threw up. His hands were twitching in the restraints and with what little strength he could muster he looked over at Josh and whispered ‘please’.

Josh broke.

He grabbed the orderlie standing next to him by the back of the head slamming his face into the desktop before delivering a blaster shot to the man’s chest.

“Dun, agent 712, has gone rouge-“

He ripped open the door shooting the orderlie in the room with Tyler as he radioed for help. As quickly as he could he undid the restraints on Tyler’s arms carefully scooping him up. Tyler’s body shook with tremors and his chest heaved as if he wanted to throw up again. Knowing they were short on time Josh held Tyler close and bolted down the hall. 

Taking Tyler to the infirmary would get them both killed, anywhere in the city would. His mind raced, the only choice he had now was the desert. Turning the hall to the garage he was cut off by a team of three DRACS and while Josh was a good shot, there wasn’t much he could do with Tyler like this in his arms.

“Stand down.” One of the draculoids yelled through his mask “officer Dun if you back down now only reprogramming will-“

Josh swung Tyler over his shoulder pulling out his gun hitting the draculoid in the center of the chest. If there was one thing S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W training had taught Josh it was to never miss. The other two took that as the sign that Josh had gone completely insane and rushed him. 

“Sorry Tyler” Josh mumbled as he shoved one foot into the stomach of the draculoid kicking him away and turning in the other foot using Tyler’s limp arms to hit the second one. Josh moved Tyler back into the cradling position and ran towards the garage. The first vehicle he could get to was a motorbike. So Josh adjusted Tyler firmly in his lap holding the boy tightly with one arm as he pulled the throttle with the other taking off into the desert just as the gates into the city slammed shut.

****

Josh pulled harder on the throttle desperately trying to go faster. They had been driving in the desert for hours but Josh was terrified. He felt like someone was after them, like they weren’t going to stop chasing him until the had killed him and Tyler. Josh had become so caught up he didn’t notice the pickup truck barreling towards them. He slammed on the breaks holding Tyler tightly as they flipped over the handlebars and drug through the dirt. With the final slam into the the ground Josh felt the air leave his lungs.

The pickup truck pulled to a halt. Josh watched from the ground as four Killjoys emerged.

“Why did they stop like that!? Any Drac would have just hit us dead on! Was it a Killjoy oh Destroya what if we-“

“Hey, Punk calm down” a curly haired man motioned to Josh “just a fucking Crow”

Josh snapped up. “Listen here you-“

The first man, Punk, walked past him, as if he couldn’t even see him.

“Guys…. this is..” Punk slowly scooped the still spamming Tyler into his arms “Mad Gear.” The other three ran over.

“I’m the one that brought him here!” Josh yelled but got no response.

“They can’t hear you. Not now.” A scratchy voice like nails on a chalkboard echoed around Josh. He turned around to come face to face with a being that wore a white mask held to its face by feathers that ran down where long hair would be. The being hovered over the ground only a few inches from… Josh froze. 

His own body.

The being watched Josh for a moment “you had a rough landing Crow. Death happens to everyone-“

“No no I can’t I have to…” Josh stuttered staring at his own body motionless in the sand. “Tyler, you’re not going to take him too right?”

“No, it’s not his time” the being turned away from Josh moving back towards a shopping cart of masks. 

“Who are you.” Josh didn’t dare move too far from his own body, even though he wasn’t in it he was afraid if he left this would all be real.

“I am the Phoenix Witch. I cross Killjoys from the desert to the next life” the being motioned to its cart, which was filled to the brim with masks and letters and flowers “these are things lovers, and children, and friends bring me to find those they’ve lost.”

“I’m not a Killjoy” Josh whispered “you said it yourself I’m a Crow-“

“You’re dead.” The being snapped back turning to face Josh “no matter who we were in life, we are all the same in death.”

Josh was quiet “I want to be better.” He said watching as the sand blew through him “I want to have been better in life.”

“And what does that mean for you” The witch asked and Josh could feel it closely watching him as his eyes drifted across the sand to Tyler’s twitching body. 

“Then leave me.” The witch growled and with the same force he had hit the ground air forced itself back into Josh’s lungs as he laid on the ground gripping at the sand.

“The crows alive!” The curly haired man kneeled down by Josh pressing a blaster to his forehead. “I can fix that.” 

“N-no!” Josh begged gasping for air “T-Tyler is he-“

“You don’t ever call him that you hear me.” The killjoy growled through clenched teeth. “What the hell did you do to him.”

Josh tried to explain “They… they would have killed him. I-I wanted to get him out, is he okay-“

“American Beauty! Help get Gear in the car!” The one they had called Punk earlier was walking over.

“Yeah okay let me just-“

“Don’t shoot him.” There was a moment of silence and Josh could see American Beauty forming an argument in his head before giving up and pulling his gun away stalking back over to ‘mad gear’.

“I-I promise I was helping-“

“Blaster.” Punk held out his hand and Josh placed his pure white blaster in it. The Killjoy looked taken back but quickly pulled himself together. “We’re gonna tie you up, and you’re gonna come with us.”

Josh nodded, once again taking the Killjoy but surprise but what else was he going to do.


	7. Chapter 7

Josh had been in the same room for what felt like hours. His hands and legs tied to a chair staring at the ground. He had seen a few Killjoys poke their head in the doorway to make sure he wasn’t trying to escape but even if he did he’d have nowhere to go. Going back into the city was a deathwish and he’d probably be killed instantly in the desert, it was starting to seem like no matter what he was bound to die soon. He let out a soft sigh, he wondered how Tyler was doing. If they had the proper tools to help him.

“Hey..” a Killjoy Josh had seen on fliers and wanted lists walked into the room, Jet Star. Known to travel with a group that called themselves the Fabulous Killjoys. They were lead by Party Poison who made it his personal mission to be the biggest pain in the ass BLI had ever dealt with. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m tied to a chair” Josh stated looking at the poofy-haired Killjoy as he pulled out a chair and sat across from Josh.

“Yeah… we don’t…” the Killjoy smiled and gave a little laugh “you’re a Crow man we gotta do this”

“Was” Josh stated “even if I wanted to go back now..” he lifted his head to look at Jet Star “they were going to kill Tyler-“

“Mad Gear.” Jet Star corrected him “out here, you play by our rules. His names Mad Gear.”

Josh was quiet for a moment. “I had to get him out” he looked back at the ground “so if you’re gonna kill me just do it.”

Jet Star watched the crow sitting in front of him. He looked in his eyes, in his posture, in everything he could. “Mad Gears a rare occurrence” he started “he’s been out here since he was a kid, we’re not all close with him but we all know him. Most kids out here…” Jet paused his hands were shaking but he looked back to the crow in front of him. “We had a little girl, she was the most amazing thing to happen to our group. We stayed around here to try to give her a bit of normalcy but one day on a mission” he paused, trying to stop the lump in his throat from making him cry “BLI took her from us, I can’t ever forgive that.”

“I’m sorry” Josh whispered looking at Jet Star.

“If you mean that, then help us” Jet stood up “you’re a crow, you’ve got a lot of information. Think about it, we could use the help.” Jet turned to walk out of the room as Josh stared at the floor.

“Wait!” Josh looked up and Jet froze for a moment, the Crow seemed genuinely concerned. “They… he never took the pills. They caught him and rehabilitated him but it didn’t work enough.”

Jet Star sat back down “rehabilitate? How do they do that.”

Josh paused for a minute “It’s a process, I oversaw Tyler’s.”

Jet could feel himself shaking “you did it?”

Josh nodded “they gave him to me completely unstable, he was struggling and swearing. I started the injections after that first interview. After the first week he took the pills as told.” Josh could feel his mind reverting already, as if he was explaining how the situation had turned to a superior and not a Killjoy. “he was perfect-“

“You fucker.”

Josh’s eyes darted to the other Killjoy who had been unnoticed and listening from the doorway. Most of his face was covered in bandages but tears streamed down the half that wasn’t. 

“I was helping him. He was getting better!” Josh watched the Killjoy closely until Jet Star stood in front of Josh, almost in a defensive way.

“King” Jet stepped towards the other Killjoy keeping his voice soft “you need to leave, they had me come in here-“

King took another step towards Josh. Josh could practically feel the hatred radiating off the man. So he kept going making sure to add every detail. “Til he started having dreams, stopped taking his pills. They pumped pure electricity right into his brain. Scrambled it all up, by the second pulse he was screaming for them to let him go-“

King snapped, shoving past Jet he punched the crow hard enough to slam the chair back down onto the concrete floor “What the fuck did you do to him!” The Killjoy screamed as if Josh hadn’t already told him. King raised his arm for another punch as Jet Star tried to pull him off.

“Stop! Get off!” Jet pulled King away only for King to turn and deliver the punch meant for Josh right into the center of Jet Stars face.

Jet reeled back stepping away from King as he turned back to Josh kicking his foot hard into the side of his head. “I fucking raised him! And you just” King yanked the chair back up so he was face to face with the crow. “You fucking destroyed him.”

“I fixed him.” Josh growled “They brought him to me broken. You’re broken.” Josh felt another sharp punch to his face, only this time it didn’t stop after one, or two, or three. He could feel blood rushing out his nose, Jet Star was caught between yelling for another Killjoy and trying to pull King away. He was sure this Killjoy was going to kill him here and now, and maybe after what he had put Tyler through this is what he deserved. Still tied helplessly to the chair he let himself fade into unconsciousness.

****  
“He was cooperating!” Jet Star yelled at Killer King who only rolled his eyes looking away.

“What part of that seemed like cooperation? He seemed pretty fucking smug to me.” King glared at the floor. “You shouldn’t have even brought him here.” King turned to face Soul Punk, who had been quietly watching from the corner.

“He was trying to get away from the city.” Soul Punk avoided meeting eyes with Killer King “I think he’s confused, but not a threat.”

“Not a fucking threat! Did you hear him in there!” King took a step forward closing the gap between himself and Soul Punk. “He’s a fucking threat and you brought him right in.” King stepped closer clenching his fists as Punk stepped back. “He’s going to tell them where we are. You’re going to get us all fucking killed-“

“You need to calm down.” Young Gun pulled King away placing himself between the two. “You’d be dead without Punk so watch it.”

The room went silent as Young Gun and Killer King glared back at each other. Jet Star stood quietly watching the two, his hand already moving for his blaster Incase that’s what this came down to.

“Bren..” Northern Downpour whispered softly gently grabbing Killer Kings shoulder “why don’t we go to Dr.D’s I’m sure he needs help with something.”

King glared at Young Gun for a moment longer before turning and walking out of the room. “If he’s here when we get back I’m gonna fucking ghost him”

Northern Downpour smiled slightly at Soul Punk and Young Gun before hurrying out after King.

Soul Punk sighed and leaned back against the wall.

Young Gun turned to face him. “If you don’t want your crow dead I’d go keep an eye on him. Cause I’m sure as hell not stopping anyone from killing him.”

“If we can get him on our side” Soul Punk started “we would have so much-“

“That’s the stupidest idea you’ve ever had.” Young Gun sighed and ran his hand through his hair “he's a fucking crow. You think he’ll just all of a sudden change his mind.”

“I think he already had he’s just confused.” Soul Punk argued back. “Jet said he was talking, maybe he just needs time.”

Young Gun shook his head. “No, you’re on your own with this one.”

****

Josh woke to stinging in his face trying to pull away only to realize he was still tied down to the chair. 

“Stop im trying to clean your face” Soul Punk stood to the side of Josh, a few blood soaked cotton balls and a bottle of peroxide on the table next to him. “It’s pretty stupid to pick a fight when you’re tied up.”

Josh didn’t answer.

“I’m not gonna save you a third time. I'm about the only one here who doesn’t want you dead so-“

“Where’s Tyler.” Josh didn’t feel like listening to a lecture, his face hurt and his head was pounding “Mad Gear, whatever you call him. Where is he”

Soul Punk took a step back, having done what he could to clean up the cuts and bruises covering Josh’s face. “In the infirmary, resting. Whatever you did to him-“

“I saved him from it.” Josh interrupted locking eyes with Soul Punk “they were gonna kill him.”

“If you know that then why are you fighting against us.” Soul Punk sat down across from Josh. “We’re not here to hurt you.” 

Josh ignored Soul Punk trying to pull his hands apart, they were tied together behind his back by what seemed to be an old rope. Even pulling on the rope a little Josh could feel it start to fray. He stopped pulling for a moment and looked back at Soul Punk. “Killjoys are dangerous and confused. You don’t understand that things need order.”

“The city isn’t giving order, they’re drugging you to keep you contained. They don’t want order they want control, of everything.” Soul Punk sighed “we’re not the monsters they make us out to be.” 

Josh looked down “I want to see Tyler.”

“That’s not-“

“Fuck you.” Josh leaned back against the chair pulling apart the ropes and letting them fray a little more, one more good pull and he’d be free. “I don’t care what you call him I just want to see him.”

Soul Punk was quiet for a moment. As things were King was already mad at him, if he brought Mad Gear in here King might actually kill him. “If I bring him to you, you have to tell me everything I want to know.”

Josh nodded in agreement but Soul Punk wasn’t sure he would come through.

Soul Punk walked out of the room and down the hall to the infirmary. He knew whatever Josh could tell them would be extremely helpful but he couldn’t help but feel like he was putting Mad Gears life at risk.

“Hey, you awake?” Soul Punk walked into the infirmary and smiled at Mad Gear. It felt like it had been forever since he had actually seen him, almost like he still couldn’t believe he was back. Mad Gear on the other hand stared at Soul Punk like they had never met, offering vacant eyes and a polite smile.

“Yeah…S...so-” Mad Gear sat up “is everything okay?”

Soul Punk swore he felt his stomach drop a little as Mad Gear started to say his name before hesitating and deciding to leave names out of it. “Soul Punk” he smiled warmly doing the best to remember Mad Gear was still in there somewhere, hopefully.

“Right… sorry I’m still learning or.. re-learning names I guess” he looked away.

“It’s okay.. Josh wants to see you” Soul Punk had barely finished before Mad Gear perked up, giving the most genuine smile he had since they got him back.

“Can I?” Mad Gear asked already starting to get up. Soul Punk nodded even though he could feel his subconscious screaming that this was a terrible idea. After a bit of arguing Soul Punk let him go in on his own.

Josh looked up when the door opened, a wave of relief washed over him. “Tyler-“

“Everyone here calls me Mad Gear” he smiled a little and sat down in the chair across from Josh. “I like it”

Josh looked at him and sighed “is that what you want me to call you?” Mad Gear nodded and Josh sighed “okay.”

Mad Gear smiled but quickly became more serious. His eyes dropping to the ground. “Are you the reason I can’t remember anything? Did you do this?”

Josh froze. Of course the question was bound to come up, the other Killjoys having told Mad Gear they knew him. But how was he to answer that? ‘I didn’t want to’ that wasn’t true, he had been determined to convert a Killjoy properly. ‘I didn’t know it was hurting you’ also a total lie. Josh was well aware how painful the process was, he had seen Killjoys die in the first few hours.

“Yeah” Josh whispered looking at the ground “they brought you to me and I..” he trailed off looking back to Mad Gear who quickly looked away. “It had to be done you were one of them.”

“I am one of them.” Mad Gear snapped “you just made me forget them.” Josh could hear the fear creeping into Mad Gears voice, fear of him.

“We’re not staying here.” Josh looked up “we’re going back.”

“To be killed?” Mad Gear shook his head. “No. I’m not going anywhere with you.” Mad Gear backer away. “I like it here.”

“You’re confused Tyler I-“

“Don’t call me that!” Tyler felt bad as Josh flinched back when he yelled. “This… this is your fault.” His voice was a little softer now, the sound of tears leaking into it “I’m not going anywhere.” Tyler turned and quickly walked out of the room avoiding eye contact with Soul Punk.


	8. Chapter 8

“You’re that mad at him?” Kobra was laying on the bed in Young Guns room reading, and occasionally glancing up to watch Young Gun pace the room.

“I’m not mad” Young Gun stopped for a minute and looked at Kobra “it’s just a stupid idea! Tell me you don’t think it’s a stupid idea.” 

“I don’t think it’s a stupid idea” Kobra repeated smirking a little.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“If it works it’s not a stupid idea.” Kobra sat up “If it works it’s probably the best idea any of us has ever had… Jet seems pretty convinced it might”

Young Gun shook his head “nothing about this is a good idea, someone’s going to get hurt”

“So what do you wanna do?” Kobra looked at him sighing “let him go back? Tell them where we are?” He placed the book down next to him. “We can’t let him go”

“No. We just ghost him like we would literally anyone else!” Young Gun threw himself down next to Kobra laying with his face in the pillow.

“There’s not many Killjoys left, whether we want to admit it or not we’re losing.” Kobra sighed laying back down next to Young Gun “If Soul Punk can get him on our side then maybe we’ll have an upper hand for once”

Young Gun sighed giving a muffled “and if not?” Through the pillow.

Kobra shrugged “then we keep fighting until we can’t anymore.”

Young Gun didn’t answer, Kobra was right. They had been losing Killjoys at an alarming rate the past few years and sending people into the city to recruit more was too risky. “So that’s it then? You really think this is our only choice?”

****

Soul Punk was once again cleaning the cuts on Josh’s face. Even the smallest of infections out here could be deadly and Soul Punk wasn’t going to give up on getting information just yet.

Josh on the other hand was focused on the blaster strapped to Soul Punks hip. If he was fast enough he was almost positive he could grab it. He stayed as still as he could while he twisted his hands fraying the rope apart. Catching the rope in one hand he stayed positioned as he was to avoid Soul Punk seeing he had set himself free.

“Why’d you save him?” Soul Punk asked sitting back in the chair “Mad Gear I mean. If you thought they were helping why’d you bring him out here?”

Josh was taken back by the question for a minute. “I don't know” He answered softly, Soul Punk only crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow like he wasn't buying it. “When he started screaming I just… He was screaming for me and they were hurting him so badly”

Josh didn't realize he was shaking until he felt Soul Punks hand on his shoulder “what exactly do you think they’ll do to him if you take him back? They don't give Killjoys second chances Josh”

When Josh gave no answer Soul Punk sighed and stood to walk out. “I don’t really wanna be your enemy you know, I’m not much of a fighter.” With that Soul Punk Sighed and walked out.

*****

Killer King hadn’t expected Josh to be gone when he got back, and he wasn't. King hadn’t said anything then but now as the night drug slowly by he felt more and more like he had to do something. So quietly, to avoid waking Northern Downpour who lay next to him, he slipped out of the bed grabbing his blaster from off the bedside table and slowly creeping down the hall. At this hour most Killjoys were already asleep, as long as he was quiet it would be too late for Soul Punk to do anything besides be mad at him.

The door to the room Josh was in had been taken off so that Killjoys passing by could make sure he wasn't up to anything. Killer King stood in the doorway of the room for a moment, he hadn’t been expecting Josh to be awake. But there he was calmly staring back at him like there wasn’t a gun aimed at his face.

Josh didn’t move, he didn’t fight back his hands were untied but there was nothing for him to gain from attacking the Killjoy. 

Josh’s calming demeanor only made King more mad. “What are you trying to do.” It came out more broken than Killer King had meant but that didn’t seem to bother the crow.

“Nothing” he answered “what exactly could I do you’ve got me cornered” Josh held his hands up beside his head, revealing they were untied. He saw the ‘how long’ forming in the Killjoys brain. “A few hours” he answered without being asked.

“Why.” King was shaking, he already knew the answer but he wanted to hear different.

“Mad Gears here”

In an instant Killer King had Josh yanked up by his collar “you stay the fuck away from my-“ King stopped, trying to find the right words before throwing Josh to the ground. “You hurt him. You’re a fucking monster. If you ever so much as lay another hand on him I will kill you on the spot.” King turned on his heel and slammed the door behind him leaving Josh laying in the dark.

A monster.

Is that what Tyler thought too?

****  
 _The windows in the house were dark, his mom was always home at this time. She knew he came home from school, her car was even still parked in the driveway._

_Josh walked up the path through the perfectly mowed lawn, the same as every other house on his block. The grass cut to the perfect length to match every other house on his block._

_He hesitated holding his tiny hand on the door before pushing the door open and entering the now empty house. He was already crying as he walked up the stairs to his mom’s room, he pushed open the door to find a perfectly clean room. Much neater than his mother ever kept it. He ran to the bed tears streaming down his face pulling the covers off to the floor and looking under the bed for any trace of his mother’s art supplies._

_But the DRACS had left nothing behind._

_His breath caught in his lungs as he heard footsteps again downstairs. He quickly ducked under the bed, he shouldn’t be hiding from DRACS but he couldn’t help but be scared._

_“Come out Joshua” one called as he entered the room “your mother was removed. She won’t be home, you’ll come with us.”_

_Josh was quiet for a moment more. Making the DRAC mad was a bad idea so he wiped his eyes and squirmed out from other the bed following the DRAC back out of the house._

_He never saw either of his parents again._

Josh awoke on the floor of the room Killer King had left him in. He didn’t even try to move, he could run, try to fight the Killjoys, probably get himself killed. For now his best option was the floor. 

_you’re a fucking monster._

Josh wondered if that’s what Soul Punk thought of him, if Mad Gear and everyone else thought that too. One of the things he longed for now was the numbness the BLI drugs caused, at least then he wouldn’t feel so bad.

“Since you’re untied, let’s take a walk”

Josh’s eyes drifted to the familiar Killjoy standing in the door. Tyler, Mad Gear, he belonged here. Josh had only been around him a few months during training. But Josh could see the entire desert in Mad Gears eyes, the way he looked happier now than he ever had before, the way his posture relaxed, like he was finally home.

“Well? Are you coming or are you just gonna lay on the floor” Mad Gear paused watching Josh for a moment “it’s probably real dirty”

Josh sighed and got up following Mad Gear out of the room. “Soul Punk put you up to this? I know he just wants information”

“No” Mad Gear shook his head keeping focused on the ground “I just wanted to see you”

Josh was taken back by that for a minute. “You’re not mad?”

Mad Gear shrugged “I’m not mad…” he turned his head up to look at Josh. “I want you to be a Killjoy”

Josh stopped in his tracks. “Excuse me?” 

Mad Gear laughed “it’s only fair, I had to play by your rules now you play by mine” Mad Gear held his hand “maybe.. maybe we’ll get along better this time”

Josh hesitated, but before he could back away Mad Gear reached out further grabbing his hand and leading him down the hall. 

“So what exactly do you mean when you say, play by your rules?” Josh decided he’d play along for now, if only to hear Mad Gear laugh like that again.

Mad Gear smiled “don’t worry!”

****

“What color then?” Party Poison walked in circles around Josh, he was talking to Mad Gear though.

“I dunno” Mad Gear shrugged “I don’t know how hair dye works-“

“Wait. No.” Josh clapped his hands over his hair “not only is that illegal but-“

Party Poison leaned real close to Josh’s face smiling wider than he had been before “there are no rules in the desert” with that he popped back up “I got it! I’ll be right back” he turned walking out and down the hall. Ghoul who had been sitting on a desk to the side of the room trying to seem intimidating was now trying not to laugh at the bewildered look on Josh’s face.

“Ah yes” he laughed “the terrifying Party Poison, he’ll dye your hair if you’re not careful”

The Killjoys were different from how he had known them to be inside the city. They didn’t particularly like him, Killer King especially, but they weren’t killing him. They had in fact given him many chances to cooperate, if he were in the city still he’d be dead.

“Who else knows I’m untied” Josh looked at Mad Gear who only shrugged.

“The whole building” Ghoul answered for him hopping off the desk and walking over.

“Aren’t you scared I’ll run or something?”

Ghoul only shook his head “nah, for whatever reason Soul Punk trusts you. Besides even if you did run where are you gonna go?” Ghoul smirked, he knew he was right and Josh did too.


	9. Chapter 9

“You’ve lost your fucking mind.” Young Gun slammed open the doors to the infirmary where Soul Punk was taking inventory of their medical supplies.

“If you’re only here to yell-” Soul Punk was cut off when Young Gun grabbed his upper arm yanking him to his feet.

“You’re just letting a fucking crow walk around.” Young Gun felt bad for a second when Soul Punk tried to back away only to be stopped by Young Guns tight grip on his arm. “What are you thinking!” Young Gun let him go and Soul Punk stepped back.

“You don’t get to make the call of letting him have free reign of the fucking place.” Young Gun stepped back leaning himself against one of the tables “you’re risking everything on a crow, and you want us to just go along with it?”

“I want you to trust me” Soul Punk looked up at him “any other crow would have killed us and run the moment he could. But Josh is down the hall letting Party dye his hair.” 

“Yeah, just let him be alone with the Killjoys he’s was probably specifically trained to kill” Young Gun snapped back “he needs to be tied back up. Or we could just ghost him like we would anyone else.”

“You’re missing the point! If he wanted to leave he would have!” Soul Punk looked up at Young Gun “he’s sitting there down the hall willingly putting up with them. What other crow would-“

“It doesn’t matter.” Young Gun sighed “he was brainwashed and trained to want to kill us.”

Soul Punk looked down at the floor. “I have gone along with every plan you have come up with, I’ve listened to you, I’ve trusted you, I’ve risked my life for you.” He looked up at Young Gun trying his hardest not to cry but he could feel himself shaking “If you can’t do the same for me then maybe we’re not on the same side anymore.” Soul Punk regretted the words the moment they left his mouth. But he let them settle in the air staring up at Young Gun.

“I guess not.” Young Gun turned walking back out of the infirmary. 

****

“Yellow?” Josh ran his fingers through his hair looking at the mirror that Party Poison was holding out to him.

“I thought it was fitting” Party Poison shrugged “do you like it or not?”

Surprisingly Josh did like it. However he wasn’t sure if he liked it because he thought it looked good or because of the way Mad Gear stood across the room smiling at him like an idiot. 

“I like it a lot!” Mad Gear smiled walking over “I think it suits you!”

“Yeah but he’s still in that gross Crow uniform” Fun Ghoul bit his lower lip thinking “what do we put him in?”

Josh spoke up “okay my hair was one thing but-“

“And you need a name” Party Poison cut Josh off “so start thinking on one”

“I have a name… it’s Josh” 

“No” Party Poison rolled his eyes “I mean like a real name”

Josh was quiet “um…. that is my real name…”

“When you’re out in the desert what are people gonna say when they see you?” Party Poison leaned back a little “oh no it’s…. Josh. Not very intimidating”

“Everyone run!” Fun Ghoul laughed dramatically throwing himself on the floor. “Josh got me!”

“And Party Poison is?” Josh glared at Party turning his head to watch the overly dramatic fake death Ghoul was playing out on the floor. “Is anyone in this place normal?”

Mad Gear laughed “I think it keeps things exciting”

Ghoul shot himself up off the floor “anyway! You can think of a name while we look for better clothes” he hesitated for a minute “usually King’s best with that but in your case that isn’t a good idea, so you’re stuck with me” Ghoul laughed again pulling Josh back down the hall leaving Mad Gear and Party Poison in the room behind them.

As they got towards the storage room Josh felt the mood drop. It seemed like the moment they started down the hall Ghoul’s upbeat attitude had vanished. “Hey” Josh opened his mouth “did something-“

Ghoul cut him off before he could finish “listen, Jet told us to play nice with you but don’t get the wrong idea.” He turned back to look at Josh “you’re still a crow. Even you just being here is causing some of our best teams to fight.” He sighed opening the door to the storage room “I don’t hate you, but I don’t trust you. So if I were you I’d stop picking fights okay? Cause no one's gonna save a crow.”

Josh was quiet with how lighthearted the room had been he had almost forgotten what he was. A crow. A monster. Of course they didn’t trust him how could they? 

“I’m sorry” Josh looked at the ground but he felt Fun Ghoul turn to look at him. “I know what I did to Mad Gear was wrong a-and I know that I should feel bad. Sometimes for a second I think I actually do but then… it’s like it’s just in my blood, like I can’t help it-“

“Yeah, we don’t care about all that” Fun Ghoul sighed “if you wanna change prove it, if you don’t say so now and let’s get this over with”

Josh looked away but didn’t say anything. He genuinely had no idea what he was trying to do here, but he was almost certain he no longer wanted to hurt them.

****

“You wanna stop losing your shit every time someone looks at you?” Northern Downpour stood in the doorway to he and Killer Kings room “and beating the hell out of the crow every time you see him isn’t helping anyone either.” 

Killer King didn’t answer just say quietly sat on the floor by the bed until Northern came and sat next to him sighing. “You could at least try to be nice, even Ghoul isn’t having this hard a time with it“

“He destroyed Tyler.”

Northern Downpour tensed up “you’re talking like he’s dead!”

“Well he’s certainly not himself anymore!” Killer King snapped back. He looked away as Northern Downpour scooted himself away almost offended.

“But he’s still there. He’s alive and literally right down the hall! And all you’ve done since he got back is argue with everyone! Have you even spoken to him!”

Killer King looked away once again choosing to keep his mouth shut.

“No ones happy about the Crow” Northern Downpours voice cracked as he tried to fight back tears “but right now that Crow is the only thing he remembers so get it together cause I’m not letting you take that from him.” Northern Downpour got up and turned on his heel walking out and slamming the door behind him.


	10. CHAPTER 10

_Kobra Kid sat on the ground watching Mad Gear run around trailing a stick behind him making designs in the loose dirt on top. It wasn’t often they were left with Mad Gear, and that’s because they didn’t want to be. After the Girl had been taken and presumably killed by BLI they had distanced themselves from Mad Gear. Kids didn’t last out here and they couldn’t handle losing another._

_“I did it!” Mad Gear yelled holding up his hands and dropping the stick at his side. Kobra Kid didn’t give an answer but stood up to see exactly what the kid had drawn._

_“Um… it’s great?” The drawing was just a mess of scribbles that followed the directions the child had ran in._

_“You don’t even know what it is!” Mad Gear accused laughing and crossing his arms._

_“Do you even know what it is?” Kobra Kid sat back down in the dirt raising an eyebrow._

_“Nope!” Mad Gear laughed and sat down next to Kobra Kid he put his feet out in front of him kicking them together humming happily._

_Kobra Kid kept watching Mad Gear. He wondered if he would’ve gotten along with the Girl, if friends her own age would have been better for her. Mad Gear was a little younger but still._

_“Come on” Kobra Kid stood up brushing himself off then kneeled down to stand Mad Gear up and brush him off too “you’ll get burnt if you’re out here too long”_

****

Josh sat in the infirmary watching Soul Punk reorganize their supplies. When Mad Gear was off with a killjoy, or doing whatever else Mad Gear did, Josh liked to hide out here. He knew Soul Punk didn’t mind his presence and Killer King was less likely to burst in and try to beat the shit out of him.

“You’re quiet today” Soul Punk smiled turning to face Josh. Josh was quiet most days, Soul Punk had noticed the boy genuinely seemed like he was trying not to cause trouble. He was trying to fit in and while a few others were starting to see that most still wanted him gone. 

Josh only gave a small smile and shrugged “I’m gonna go find Mad Gear” Josh sighed hopping off one of the examination tables and walking out of the room. The base had been quiet that day and Josh hoped that Killer King was out, but of course as the world seemed to be against him he felt someone roughly yank his shoulder turning him around.

“I’m just looking for-“ he started before being abruptly cut off.

“I don’t give a fuck” there was a gun in his face as Killer King glared at him. “I’ve been patient but I want you gone.”

Josh didn’t say anything. Killer King was right, Mad Gear belonged here but not him. Soul Punk and Young Gun were fighting, no one trusted him, and Mad Gear needed to recover. As Josh was the one who broke him he knew there was no way he could help, he was holding him back.

“Let him go.” Young Gun stood behind King who didn’t move. “Get the gun out of his fucking face King. Now.”

“Who the fuck put you in charge?” King lowered the gun only to face it towards Young Gun “who’s side are you on anyway.”

That was it, Young Gun was tired of being accused of being on the wrong side no matter the side he was on. Before Killer King could even react Young Gun grabbed his wrist snapping it back causing the gun to drop to the floor and throwing King down after it.

“Keep that thing out of my fucking face-“

“What did you do!” Northern Downpour ran down the hall dropping next to King who was still on the floor holding his probably broken wrist but starting to get back up. Soul Punk who had heard the yelling had now joined them from the hall watching silently. He didn’t know how to help, or who to calm down. After months of silent tension everything was starting to come to a point.

King got back up onto his feet “you wanna fucking fight?” He kicked the gun down the hall standing up straight. “Let’s fucking fight then”

Young Gun didn’t say anything but pulled his arm back to punch only stopping cause someone grabbed it.

“Don’t fight!” Mad Gear clung to the back of his arm crying “don’t fight please, I promise I know the two of you don’t trust Josh yet but-“

“I’ll go” Josh spoke over Mad Gear “I’ll leave, I’m causing problems here and…. and I don’t want that” he offered a small smile to Mad Gear, who was only crying more and more by the minute. Of course Josh didn’t want to leave him but if there was any chance of Mad Gears life going back to normal he had to.

“I’m just supposed to let a crow walk out-“ Killer King started turning to glare at Josh before being cut off by Young Gun.

“Get out then.” Young Guns eyes were cold but he could feel Mad Gear clinging to him tighter, even though he had dropped his arm Mad Gear hadn’t let go. “This is the only chance I’ll give you so get the fuck out.”

Josh nodded smiling one last time at Mad Gear before heading to the door.

“NO!” Mad Gear yelled making a move to run towards the door only to be yanked back by Young Gun “don’t go! Please! We can work it out I promise!” He turned to Killer King still crying “he’s not bad I promise!-“

“Tyler.” Josh’s voice sent chills down Mad Gears spine it was the same voice he used to yell at Mad Gear in the city. “Quit acting like a child.”

Killer King glared back at Josh. “He’s trying to defend you and you can’t be bothered to even-“

Josh opened the latch on the door walking out of the base into the desert. The hot sun stung at his skin almost immediately, once he was far enough to be sure Mad Gear wasn’t following he dropped to the ground and cried.

_“mama?” Josh watched the city roll by sitting in the back of his mother's car “is this really all that’s left of the world?”_

_“Not at all” his mother gave that big bright smile she always did “there’s so much more”_


End file.
